Praying for your enemies….

It seems like our extended family has had to deal with it's share of sad, evil spirited people lately.  From the passive aggressive behavior of our neighbor's son to my sister's tenant who admitted his passion for engaging in electronic harassment had taken him too far this time as we observed his eviction from his home, we've had our fill of people who need to get a life and stop messing around with the lives of others.

What is it about these folks?  What is missing in their lives that they seem to find joy in exerting some kind of power over others?  Why is it that in order to get them to back the heck off, it takes bringing in the attorneys?  

I know they lack empathy and compassion.  I know they must be very lonely and sad people.  They walk the very edge of legality in their actions and their words and only those who also understand the law can wrest the power back and send them packing.  

I also know they need to find Faith.  I know that there is a huge hole in their spirit that can only be filled with God.  I know that now I must find a way to pray that they find that in their lives.  We won.  They have both been dealt with…now, we must be gracious in the victory that we have seen.  But boy.  Praying for your enemies in not an easy thing to do…..

Driving Solo.......

Today was the day.  He drove down that driveway all by himself and then made the trip through town to his high school.  I'd both looked forward to and dreaded this day.  I offered to drive him one more time.  He said "not needed, Mom"; I offered to follow him in the truck "just in case".  He replied "not needed Mom...but you can if you want to".  Of course,  I didn't follow him....even though I wanted to....Instead, I filmed this big day in the life of our youngest and then went inside and spent the 30 minutes it took for him to get to his destination working on this...........

Made that 30 minutes fly by......

It's Official - The Growing Up phase is almost over....

My family has a "tradition" it seems.  Most of the women have a couple of kids in their 20's and then sometime around the age of 35, they add in a third one.  Although the age of the mother's might be a bit different, the age difference between the children tends to always be 9 years.  My mom was 9 years younger than her brother, my sister is 9 years younger than our youngest brother (who was a 3rd child) and Hunter is 9 years younger than Dallas.  As a genealogist, I found that this "tradition" goes back generations - and not just on my maternal side.  My paternal side has a history of this as well.

There are a lot of good things to be said about this "tradition"; older parents have more patience, more experience, and more money.  Any parenting issues have usually been worked out already in the older children; take for example the fact that our Nikki got a bath every single night.  The very thought of her going to bed without one was horrifying!  By the time Dallas was born, it was not quite such a horrible thought to bear if I considered skipping one every so often.  Nine years later, Hunter got his feet, hands and face washed and a clean pair of underwear and we were good to go on the occasional busy evening.

Or, consider the fact that most first time parents read every book they can and NEVER want to even consider the thought that their pediatrician might not always have the right advice.  With Nikki, we dealt with an underarm rash during her toddler years that would not go away despite several prescriptions of something or another from her doctor.  Older women in my life kept telling me it was probably the apple juice but her doctor kept poo pooing that as an "old wives tale".  Finally, when her rash was so bad it was leaving scars, I took her off of apple juice and walah!  No more rash.  When Dallas came along, I took the doctors advice AND listened to the poo pooed "old wives tales" as well.  A particularly bad case of teething got him a bit of whiskey poured on a cloth diaper and rubbed on his gums...out the boy went for a good nights sleep!  Again, with Hunter, I ended up on a formula that my doctor wouldn't "recommend" when he had digestive issues that made both of us miserable.  Within four days, all digestive issues disappeared and I recommended that formula to everyone whose baby suffered the same issues (when they weren't first time parents who thought anything their doctor said was gospel :)

So, parenting Hunter was a lot different than parenting the older two; I was more experienced and wiser in my choices because I had a greater understanding of the pendulum that swings continually as the so-called experts switch back and forth on their theories of child rearing (many of whom are academics floating out Utopian theories of how they want things to be!)  I slowed down and enjoyed every single minute of parenting him because I knew how quickly the time would come when he would flee the nest.

This more laid back form of parenting worked well with his personality.  His siblings called him the "self raising child" because David and I only needed to offer gentle guidance to him through the years.  He did his homework without having to be told to do so; he kept his room decently clean and organized without having to be constantly told to;  he chose friends slowly and carefully making sure their habits and values were similar to his.

At 17, he and his girlfriend still are totally okay with hanging out here or at her house and with only dating in group settings.  There is never a word of complaint that both households still have the same rules that applied when they began dating two years ago.  Hunter was in no hurry to get his driver's license and seemed to enjoy that hour we spent every school day together in a car with no distractions to stop us from checking in to each other's life and thoughts and worries and goals and....

He got that drivers license this morning.  And he registered to vote.  And he checked the organ donor box on the form. Afterwards, I dropped him off at the high school for a day of Marching Band Camp.  And as I pulled out of the parking lot, it hit me.  It's here.  He's about to start his senior year of high school; he'll be driving himself every day. The final phase of that proverbial cutting of the apron string is upon me.  Because when he flies the nest, it will be completely empty!

Not sure how I feel about this.......

About that Movie!

Yesterday I mentioned that our Farmhouse had been chosen by a producer and director to be used in a movie.  

We moved out here to live a slower life.  And so we'd hardly ever have to deal with a traffic jam. Let me just say that this ideal that we'd built up in our minds of moving to the country where acres separate us from neighbors and where the only people we have to see are those we want to see (excepting those occasional visits from various contractors/repairmen!) gets a laugh from David and me now.  

The very first year we were here, John Travolta filmed part of the movie "Lonely Hearts" in the abandoned farmhouse across the tater fields from us.  This required various detours of the roads leading to our house...which translated into we could leave our house using one road in the morning only to have to drive another to get home.  We'd have to show ID sometimes to get to our house.  While it was exciting (and I will admit to using the zoom lens on my camera to gaze at the lovely Travolta during the filming - Counting those blessings! :) it also rather quickly became a situation that could make your head explode.  Especially if you'd moved here to avoid traffic and people and noise.

The second year we were here, Extreme Makeover Home Edition chose the family of Hunter's third grade classmate for their show.  The house was just behind their school.  I'm sure you realize already that this meant traffic detours...where you'd go to the school to drop off your kid using one road only to come back to have to use another...and where you sometimes had to show ID to get to the school to pick up your kid!  But, Hunter got to be a part of something very few ever will be blessed to experience. (The kids participated in "Tear down that house" and "Move that bus" and got to take time out of class to watch the process - Counting those blessing! :)

The years in between were filled with lots of things that made it hard to feel as if life had slowed down out here and then there was another filming!  Over Christmas holiday, two young men walked up our driveway and spoke first to Dallas.  They explained who they were and what they would like to do.  David and I spoke with them, got the details on just what the movie would be about and said "sure"! 

Now, we didn't get a lot of money from allowing them to use our home for two scenes in the movie; that's the first thing that folks ask.  This is an Indi film by a young man who built himself a very good reputation in the short film genre; this would be his first full length movie.  Basically, we broke even since they ended up borrowing quite a few things that we needed to replace afterwards...let's just say we did this for the experience!

And, the second question always is..."will you do it again if asked?".  That's a hard one.  Letting movie folk come into your home and your neighborhood (even if it's a neighborhood with acres and acres between the houses) is kind of like letting your world be turned upside down.  And could be one of those things that make you feel like your head might explode~

The process of mourning...

From August 2009 until just recently, I rarely posted here.  The passing of my mother in law took the joy out of writing in this on-line journal.  There was a lot of (extended) family tension as her estate was settled over the course of a year and a half.  I wrote, as I've done since I was a child, but not here, not where others could read about the sad state of affairs.

In 2011, we began the year having gotten through the probate process and I thought I'd begin to write here again; but in March of that year, within three weeks of each other, we lost our two Black Labs, Murphy and Indie, and again, any joy I found in writing here was overshadowed by their loss.  I found that most of what I wrote was filled with the grief of their loss.  

Grieving is a process.  2012 was a slow year of emotional recovery.  

It was also the year I retired my ten year old Dell and switched to Mac.  Along with my new MacBook Pro, I got iMovie and iPhoto....and all that those programs would allow me to do.  I realized that I could finally get all the old family movies on unwatchable VHS tapes onto DVD's.  (The last of our VCR's had given up its life a few years ago.)

I went through all those VCR tapes and transferred them one by one onto my laptop and into iMovie; I scanned all the old photographs into iPhoto and my Genealogy software (Reunion). And I spent months editing those bits and pieces of footage into "movies".  Then I put them all onto DVD's and shared them with family.  

There was footage from my niece's 6th birthday party held in October 2004; a party where we all dressed as fantasy characters mostly from Disney Movies; there was limbo and apple bobbing and after the sun went down, family karaoke for hours!  What fun it was to relive that day and finally get the video not only to my niece but to all the family members that were there that wonderful day.

There was footage from a 1993 trip to Universal Studios with David's brother's family.  There was footage from a 2000 trip to Hawaii Nikki took with that same family.  There was footage of Dallas' year as Drum Major of his high school marching band; too many band and chorus concerts to count, soccer games for Hunter with Nikki as the referee and David as Coach of his team and footage of my performing days!  

There was a lot of footage of our Shanna, Murphy and Indie; that was the most difficult video to edit in the beginning, but as I worked on those old videos and put them into a "movie" I was able to let those beloved pets go and remember them with joy instead of sorrow.  The process allowed me to think about getting another puppy and to move toward the day when I was ready....

Meet our new baby....introducing our 13 week old Black Lab, Angus Demetrius!

6 weeks old - We first saw Angus on May 2nd - two days before the Tornado hit us.  This was taken on May 29th when we returned to pick him out of the three black males in his litter!

The day he came to home - 8 weeks old June 20th!

9 weeks old - Gazebo Time.  We try to spend the last hour of his day in the Gazebo training him in "quiet time".  Eventually we'll be able to actually get back in the hot tub and relax while he is out there with us...right now with all the new puppy energy?  Well, let's just say that we are in training!

Empty Nesting

We survived the first and second rounds of children flying the coop.

We are now looking at the third and final coop escape.

He's had his driving permit for one year today.  He's not rushing out to get that full license though.  Despite driving all last year on our trips to and from his school; it is obvious that he's not quite mentally prepared for this step into independence. It is coming though; I can see it and feel it.

There are little steps towards maturity and independence becoming more and more obvious.

Take today for example; David and I ran to town to pick up a few things and as we walked out the door sent a text up to Hunter....as we pulled out of the driveway we got a list from him as a reply..."chicken feed, cat feed, trash bags" it read.  It doesn't matter that those were the exact things we were headed out for (with both David and I planning our own additions to the cart i.e. chocolate milk for me and pastry for him ; ) - what matters is that this 16 year old knew what was needed in the house and made sure that we were all on the same page.  This is something that we have worked on for years....you know, him taking some responsibility for household chores and needs?

And then there was the other night.  Hearing something different in the way the dogs were barking at about 10 p.m, he came downstairs, got a flashlight and his shoes and took off to investigate.  Now this might not sound like much, but back in April we had an encounter with two bobcats who were running the fence line and that was not quite the reaction he had that time. While he wasn't actually scared stiff in April, there was still evidence of the boy needing the protection of his mom and dad; this time, it was "stay here Mom, I've got it".

While these are positive things, I already know the end result....my "baby" is about to grow all the way up.  Next comes that drivers license and more and more texts to say "I'll be awhile Mom, we're hitting the Burger King for a bit" or something.  Then, he'll ask if he can get a part time job to finance his video game addiction.  And then, he'll be driving away to college....and so while I might smile a bit when I see these acts of added maturity, I also have a little pain in my heart.

About that piano............

January 1st 2011 - Our son Dallas moved into his first house. It comes along with his first "real" job as a Music Minister in a church in Georgia and will hopefully be where he stays as he finishes up his Bachelors and works on his Masters.

January 2nd 2011 - Back home after a yesterday's 12 hours of driving the U-Haul trailer up to help him move into that new house and be ready for Church this morning and then on the way back home picking up the Antique Bedroom Suite we bought to replace his bedroom furniture.

Reality hits.

Actually, it gave its first little tap yesterday while I was setting up his new kitchen. The Pastor was there and asked Dallas and his friend Mystie to sing something for him. As I listened to them just like I've done many times in our home on that same piano, I suddenly realized that by letting him take that piano - he'd never play it in OUR home again. He's the only member of our five member immediate family that mastered it. I tried. For years, I tried. But it is simply not my thing.

Dallas taught himself to play on that piano just like my brother Kirk taught himself to play on that piano. Almost everyone who has ever been to our house in the past 12 years has heard Dallas play it. Before him, there was Kirk playing every time he came to visit or Mom playing it just as she did when it lived in her house while Kirk and I (and Amy) finished growing up there. Ask almost any one of my high school friends and they'll tell you stories of my extended family gathered around that piano singing our hearts out.

This was his High School Graduation Party - he had disappeared - everyone else was outside -
I found him inside playing the piano all by himself....exactly where I knew he'd be.

Its old. It is permanently a half step off. It has keys that stick and keys that simply won't work any longer. Part of it has been stripped of the almost black finish that it had when Mom first saw it against a back wall of the store she was in, covered by an old blanket and then talked the owner into accepting $70.00 for it.

Its been through several floods - a few of my high school friends could probably tell stories of us being at my house with buckets after a downpour bailing out water from the garage that would become a Family Room a year or two later. Laughter with a touch of fear always accompanied us as we worked to keep that piano safe from the incoming tide.

It was wheeled out onto the back deck where David and I held our Wedding Reception 28 years ago so that 18 year old Kirk could play it while Struby played bass and two other teenage boys whose names I can't remember all played the music for our guests. I wish I had a video of the clouds that night as they threatened rain and moved so quickly and beautifully over us as we celebrated our wedding; or a recording of my mother softly praying all day that it wouldn't rain - please don't let it rain.

We haven't had that particular piano all my life. There were several. One of my first memories from childhood was standing beside my mother and singing "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Sweetest Name I Know" as she played piano. I remember the laughter as I missed the note on the third Jesus...badly...and how she softly sang it for me and had me do it again. I think I was about 4 years old. I know I was no older than 5 because that piano soon would be left behind as we moved to Germany for two years.

There was a piano in Germany too. We were always around that one as well but now there were young men stationed there who served under my Dad and spent a lot of time at our home. Some of them had wives; most of them didn't. I remember Rod playing "Come Home, Its Supper Time" as my mom called over the balcony down to the "common" below where Kevin played with other kids to tell him to come in for Supper. I remember Mom, Dad and Rod practicing "Its Not An Easy Road" to sing it a Church one Sunday. I practiced my first ever solo in that same church on that particular piano.

When we came back after three years overseas - there was another piano for the eight years we lived in Ohio (in three different houses~) then it was sold in a Whole House Auction as we prepared to move to England for another year abroad.

And then there was this piano. There was always a piano. Now there isn't.

Reality hit.....when I realized that Dallas wouldn't be playing a piano in our home.

As I listened to him and Mystie yesterday; I thought to myself "I shouldn't have let him take it - we should have gotten him another." But I pushed that thought aside and kept on setting up his kitchen. I didn't mention it again until the drive back to Florida - the look on David's face made me realize that he hadn't thought about it until that very moment. You see, he's been a part of my life now for almost 31 years - he's watched my Mom, Kirk and Kevin (when he was home and me and even Amy and my Dad sometimes sing around that piano. He's sat and listened to Dallas play it for the last 12 years. And now he won't...at least not in this house again.

It really is a funny thing - how a parent goes from believing they'll be devastated when their children leave home when those children are small to being ready and excited for them when the time comes for them to actually do the leaving. I spent the last two weeks reassuring my friends that I was fine about Dallas really truly leaving home for the first time. And I was - until that piano was played in that new home he left us for.....

The piano's new home

Let me clarify - I'm still fine about it all. He's doing what he was called to do. He's 24 and he's ready and so am I for him to be out on his own to do the final bit of growing up that only really comes when you are responsible for your own place.... for keeping that electric on and the water flowing and the phone connected....

He needed to take that piano with him...and I needed for him to take it. I knew that that big empty house he was going to would not really be home for him until he could sit at a piano and play. I would have been second guessing myself if I had told him he couldn't take it...every time I passed it as I walked through the dining room I would have thought - it belongs with him now.

I can always get another piano but why? Without someone to make music on it, what is the point? Dallas will come home to visit and he'll miss his piano and I'll miss the music but unless he's here to play it would just be sitting there. Its just the music....I'll miss the music that piano made whenever Dallas is in the house....

I miss the music already especially since he's been home for the past two weeks playing it off and on all day every day. But Mom still has a piano that I can hear HER play and when Kevin or Kirk are here we can all sing around it and I can pop "So Piano" into a CD player or listen to my IPod to hear Kirk play.....and the road to Dallas' house isn't all that long when I feel the need to hear HIS music. And when he comes home for visits? Well, its a good thing he plays guitar.......and that a guitar is lot more portable then a piano!

Christmas Day 2010

(And since Hunter plays guitar - they'll still be family making music together - just a little bit differently then in the past.)

Fathers Day 2010

Hunter made scrambled eggs, toast, a pot of coffee and served it all with a delicious homemade blueberry muffin (baked by Dad yesterday!) .... all the while telling us not to expect much from the breakfast. Its his first year to do it all on his own - the last 2 years, Nikki and/or Dallas were in the kitchen with him...but Nik's out in her beautiful beach house and Dallas was leading the music at church this morning. While telling Hunter "its the thought that counts," Dad was surprised at just how good those eggs tasted.

Hunter's grown up a lot this past year - he's become the chicken master (the only one of us who can get those eggs out from under the almost constantly brooding Hecky Pecky without getting pecked) and learned to scramble up or fry fresh eggs for his own breakfast; he's "graduated" middle school and will head off to the high school in the fall (made the honor roll again I might just add with a bit of pride) and grown to be about 1.5 inches taller than his Dad. He's also doing his own laundry as of the first week of summer vacation - a "transitional" event from child to almost grown up. And as he made that breakfast this morning, I was a tiny bit sad.

David and I have been lucky - while most of our friend's children have grown up and out of their parent's homes, we've been able to extend our time with our adult children. By the time he and I were our kids ages, we had a mortgage and children and our parents were true empty nester's for the most part.

Looking back, I remember preparing for Nikki's tenth birthday and thinking "we've only got eight more years with her" (little did I know~~)....two years later, she's heading off to middle school and I 've got another baby at home ....and life sped up. When she entered high school, I only had a minute to feel sad before life wrapped me up in its busyness...Dallas followed her to high school two years later but I still had a little one at home and soccer games, and marching band practice, and football games .... life marching forward left me no real time to feel sad that my children were growing up.

And then we moved here. David and I were fulfilling a dream of our own, beginning to build the life that would be ours AFTER raising the two older children. It was a bit of a wrench leaving the house we'd spent 13 years of those children's lives in....but we knew better than to put our own dreams on hold for much longer....in those hectic pre-move days and then those even more hectic post move days of making this house our own, I had little moments filled with grief where my heart would speed up and my breath would catch and a tear would maybe squeeze its way out of the corner of my eye.

Dallas had to finish his senior year so he stayed in the old town during the week and only came here on the weekends; that summer he and Nikki were Camp Counselors at a YMCA camp and were only home on weekends - and Dallas headed off to college that fall. Those few moments where the grief of entering the empty nesting stage took hold on me were mostly because I felt we'd ripped his childhood home away from him at the wrong stage in his life - that he'd never feel that this was his home...only the place he visited his family occasionally. Although David never said much, he felt the same in quiet moments....At some point during that first year here, Dallas quietly assured me that this was his home because WE were here.....and I began to relax where he was concerned. Six years later, I know with all my heart that this IS his home, the place he longs for when life at school gets tough and he just wants to lay his head.

Nikki turned 21 that fall and moved out for the first time - little did we know that she'd move back in three times over the next five years....the final time being a time she needed to just lay her head and heal from some of life's harder knocks....and heal she did...surrounded by nature, working in gardens, learning to live with quiet and peace and finally, perhaps most importantly, learning how to enjoy her own company and listen to her own spirit.....with this last move out David and I could watch her go confident that our home - our love - had helped her finally be ready to really spread her wings and fly the coop.

Which brings me back to this morning, watching our baby cook breakfast on Fathers Day for the first time all by himself. I had a moment where I thought to myself "only four more years with him"......and then I remembered a few things.....

That turning 18 doesn't mean they leave home completely
-
That this is "home" where he'll still want to lay his head until he's fully prepared for life
-
That he's finally doing his own laundry, cooking some of his own meals, and that soon...he'll have his drivers license and can make those long runs into town for that thing we just can't do without until the next scheduled trip ....

and then I smiled.....and thanked God for a wonderful husband who was a great dad to our kids - and for the blessings he's given this house and the children He's allowed us to raise...........

The act of letting go~~

expeditious adj. Acting or done with speed and efficiency. (efficient adj. 1. Acting directly to produce an effect: an efficient cause. 2. a. Acting or producing effectively with a minimum of waste, expense, or unnecessary effort.b. Exhibiting a high ratio of output to input.)

preservation - noun- The careful guarding of an asset: 2. The act or a means of defending. protect - To keep from being damaged, attacked, stolen, or injured; guard.

When one is placed in a position of power, any power - whether it be by a simple act of trust within a family or group or whether it be by the laws of the land - there is a duty to act in a manner that honors the position and upholds the best interests of those over whom you hold that power. I've borrowed the terms and definitions shown above from a particular group of state statutes but they suit for almost any circumstance in which one person has control over a situation in which the outcome affects others.

In recent months, our family has found itself in a place where power and control were given to one person - and we've watched as all of the above terms were ignored for the personal interest of that one person entrusted with that powerful position. We've watched as the duties entrusted to one person were delayed time and time again; we've spoken to those with whom that person did business and learned that in at least two instances, they were informed that "time is of no issue" in the acts they were employed to perform. The first command in the honoring of the position - that of "acting with speed and efficiency" was ignored.

We've watched as the physical things placed under the temporary control of this one person deteriorated for a lack of maintenance as the letter of part of the law was followed while the spirit of it was ignored. That which was already in need of repair deteriorated devaluing that in which others shared an interest as the words of those who placed their trust in this person were twisted for defense of allowing the deterioration. The second and third commands in the honoring of the position - that of "preserving" and "protecting" were ignored.

We can only hope that eyes are opened and things change in the future - because we have exhausted our attempts to protect, preserve, and expedite what someone else was "trusted" to protect, preserve, and expedite. We have come to terms with the loss that will be experienced in this situation - most importantly the loss of trust and the the loss of any real hope of a future relationship. We leave this in other hands knowing that all that could be done on our part has been done; those who failed to listen, to heed, and to act bear that responsibility now if they choose to finally open their eyes and their minds to the truth behind the manipulation and lies.

There is freedom in finally reaching the point where you can say "I've done what I can". There is a peace in letting go of the burden of "needing to do something". Laughter can once again become part of the equation when you've reached a point of "letting go" and letting the One who is the true Power behind the situation take over............

Yesterday morning, as we drove about doing our errands discussing the fact that we'd reached the point where we'd begun the act of letting go, we had the radio playing quietly in the background - David suddenly turned up the volume and with a little laugh asked if I'd heard "this song" yet...... as the chorus came we both began laughing because it perfectly described what we'd like to do in reaction to this situation......imperfect folks that we are....

This post temporarily hijacked by an Imp who likes to stir things up and then slip away - I fought the Imp, but the Imp won........

There hasn't been much laughter regarding the situation we found ourselves in the last 8 months - it has been a time of mourning not only the loss of a family member to death, but the death of any hope of a meaningful relationship with the rest of the family....it was a relief to laugh together as we listened to this song..........

And with that, resolving to pray in the proper way, we now get back to our regularly scheduled lives knowing we've done all we can do................

Giving Thanks

There's something going 'round at Facebook...a whole lot of thankfulness. Someone came up with the idea that we post one thing we're thankful for each day of November.....it a great idea and a lot of fun to read....however, its not as easy as one might think. The first few days were easy, but each day gets a little bit harder to think of a post that is original....of course, there's nothing wrong with repeating that one is thankful for a roof over their head or a good marriage or wonderful kids but, hey, try to dig a little deeper and it is hard not to become a bit introspective.......I wonder if the one who came up with the idea realized that for some of us, this would be pretty thought provoking?

So, here's a few of my "I'm thankful for" posts (all written after I ran out of things that were easy to say I'm thankful for...)

November 13th: Today I'm thankful that I've aged enough and experienced enough to know that revenge is a dish best served cold - patience is a virtue - and God is always in control.

That one came about because of a few things we've been dealing with lately...things that brought out the Mama Bear in me but things that I could not act upon.....I had to be patient and wait for the comeuppance of the ones who were dealing out the issues....and I've had experience enough to know that that comeuppance would eventually come ~ and since God is in control, it would come about in ways much better suited to the situation than I, in any anger or hurt or feelings of betrayal or protectiveness, could ever hope to bring about.

November 16th: Today I'm thankful for the siblings God blessed me with......I didn't know how lucky I actually was until very recently!

Again, this one has a lot to do with some of the things we've had to face lately....while we fuss and moan at each other (or each others spouses) from time to time, we don't engage in character assassination - or blame each other for our own actions. The total family relationship is by no means a perfect one, but all in all, I'm thankful for the relationships we do have within the whole. I've realized over the past few months that how we were raised, how our parents dealt with us and with each other in times of stress or game play or any other facet of our lives truly does have an affect on how the siblings as adults will deal with each other. If we were taught that winning at everything (not just sports mind you!) was more important than how the win came about...then we learn to fight dirty and without empathy for the damage we inflect on others. If we are taught to rush, without much thought beforehand, into something just to wrest control of the situation out of the hands of others, then honesty and integrity are sometimes sacrificed.....and we don't have the ability to understand why others will now view us with suspicion and mis-trust. And if you are not taught that the manner in which you win can affect future relationships forever, then you don't understand why your "I want to have a relationship with you after all of this is over" is met with a total lack of reciprocation of that feeling.

Like I said, once you've said that you're thankful for all the things that come so easily and you find that you have to dig a bit deeper for real gratitude, you might just get a bit more thoughtful about the less obvious blessings that you take for granted.....

So, most of all this week, I'm thankful for the parents that God blessed me with - parents who taught me empathy and compassion and that winning isn't everything and that how we treat our siblings does matter...........

And the little blessings that we also sometimes forget to be grateful for?

Today: Hunter and I got to watch the shuttle take off yesterday from the MacDonald's parking lot....the best view of it we've ever had....I'm thankful that I decided to take him there for a treat after school - otherwise we'd have missed it completely - life is full of little blessings disguised as coincidence.

Here's a challenge for bloggers - try to come up with one thing you are thankful for every day for the remainder of this month......and don't be too surprised when after a few days, you have to dig a bit deeper.....

The back door............

Can I tell you what it means to once again live in a house where the back door signifies more than just a way to access one's back yard? In a way, maybe in a disjointed way to others, it signifies where we are as a society to me.

We always hear how the heart of any family home is the kitchen but in today's modern sub-division world through which door do we typically enter our homes? From that front door....historically the door through which formal visitors and those seeking to either gain our business or give us bad news about a soldier sought entrance into our private spaces.

What do you visualize when you hear the words "concrete jungle"? It used to bring to mind a city where the only green you ever saw was in a potted plant or a roof top garden barely glimpsed by anyone not blessed enough to access it or in a "central park". Now, it makes me think of the newer subdivision that are going up. Drive into some of these neighborhoods and all you see is the blacktop of the road, the concrete of the driveways and the garage doors at the top of those driveways. Many of the homes have no green between the street and their front doors at all. It is from that as much as anything else that David and I ran from when we moved out here 5 1/2 years ago.

In way too many of those homes, you drive up the road, and then up the driveway, park and then walk the concrete straight to the front door-past one or two potted plants and then open the door to enter straight into the formal living room. While that used to be the way that others (like those specified above) entered our homes, now everyone we know enters those homes that way.

While walking up that driveway, it sometimes seems that if you were unladylike enough to spit to your left or to your right, you'd be able to hit the houses on either side....are we living in the city or in a sub-division? - it's becoming harder to differentiate between the two.

I think its very sad and part of the reason why we no longer truly socialize with those who live next to us...instead we sometimes confine our socialization to those who are not living "cheek to jowl" with us. It's also part of the reason that a middle school principal once asked my father what wheat made when he saw the field of it planted next to my father's farmhouse in South Carolina. When the extent of your exposure to green is what you see in the produce isle or the home depot garden center, one tends to forget what farmers really produce.

When family and friends come to our house, they drive past fields planted with produce that will soon grace the grocery isles; they enter our driveway through a sea of green, drive past our vegetable gardens and after they park, they walk across a field of wild grasses and edible weeds and then follow a small stone pathway to our back door. They enter our home directly into our kitchen, just as I did back in Ohio....the scents of cooking immediately greet them (on most days.....~~) ....

Just as in my childhood, the front door is reserved for those who don't know us personally....and they are welcomed into the formal area of our home.....but even they pass fields of green and not a mass of ugly concrete....

Its no wonder that as society begins to surround itself with concrete and separates itself further from the realities of where our food comes from that we hear of California farmers being forced out of business in order to save a wee fish, that we want the government to regulate us into being "green" instead of doing it ourselves. Its no wonder that instead of neighbor helping neighbor....like back in the day when a barn raising brought out all the neighbors for food, laughter, hard work and fellowship, that we seek to be charitable by allowing the government to increasingly tax us and call it "compassion" or "empathy" and accuse those of us who oppose it of a lack of compassion and empathy.

We watch the Lion King and glory in our so called understanding of the "circle of life" while at the same time we have forgotten how to provide our own food; we've forgotten how to exercise compassion and charity by our own hand instead of depending upon a government to do it for us....

Forgive me if I appear to be rambling... but my back door and the family that entered into last night and my trip down memory lane yesterday sent me off on this track.....

Fall- Day One

Despite the fact that its the first day of Fall, we're having a summer time meal - spare ribs on the grill, tater salad and devil-ed eggs! It's Florida remember? We're still in the high 80's or lower 90's round here for at least another two or three weeks....We'll still be eating summer fare for all of those weeks, but I'm getting excited anyway.....

Despite the fact that my pumpkin patch got eaten up by some kind of pest (that seemed to have left my Roma and Better Boy fall crop of tomatoes alone), I'm ready for fall to arrive. I've been going through magazines and cookbooks for crock pot meals and big pot on the stove soups. I love cooking in the winter......I love that you can start dinner so early that you enjoy the smells as you putter through the other daily chores and that as the kiddos and the hubby come in from their day away, they walk into a home that smells delicious.

Part of why I love providing that sense of homecoming connected to a season and a scent is based upon one year of my own childhood. My ninth grade year of high school was spent in an old farmhouse that my folks were renovating in Ohio. My little sister Amy was born that year and my oldest brother had just turned 18 and was preparing to go out on his own. It is a year that held both joy and heartache for our family but it is one that is stuck indelibly in my heart and mind.

My high school was over-crowded and there was no funding to build a new one; the school board decided that they would split the day to accommodate the student body - 9th and 10th graders went to school from noon to 6 p.m. and the older grades took up the 6 - 12 a.m. slot. I loved it.

Even then I was a night person, so sleeping in was very nice; there was the added bonus of being there in the mornings with just my mom and my baby sister. Most of our school activities took place in the mornings - rehearsals for talent shows, concerts etc, but these were at the most once a week or even on a time limited basis. But the best part was getting off the bus in the evenings.....

Going to the bus stop each day was filled with the afternoon sun's warmth while arrival back at around 6:30 p.m. meant that the sun was down and house lights were on. As I walked across the fields to our old farmhouse, I could see my mom in the steamed windows and in the warm light of our big country kitchen. My belly was always empty as we went straight through classes with no breaks. There was so something peaceful and reassuring about the sight of those steamed windows that I would pick up my pace not so much because of the cold but because I was so ready to open that back door and enter into the heart of our home. As I pushed open the door I'd be met with the excited yapping of two poodles and the big smile of an infant sister and the laughter usually centering around the antics of the younger brother (sometimes scooting that baby around the floor on some kind of makeshift something or other that he'd come up with...). Mom would quietly turn and welcome me in as I heard the evening news on the telly in the living room where my dad and older brother were usually sitting. I'd hang up my coat and stash my books and we'd set the table and soon, we'd all be sitting together and discussing our day.....

I've never forgotten entering that old farmhouse during that fall and winter...I've never forgotten just how anything upsetting that had occurred during my time away from that house just simply faded away as I walked across those fields and anticipated the sights and the sounds that were waiting for me just inside that back door.

While summer is great and nothing tastes better than food grilled outside and served with a fresh salad and just baked French or Italian bread, the fact that my kiddos and my hubby enter a warm kitchen filled with the scent of something that has been cooking for hours will always have my heart yearning for Fall and Winter evenings a month or so into the heat of those long summer days.

Here's to shorter days, steamed windows and the sound of that back door opening and the words "oh, that smells wonderful"...........

Good thing I didn't make any promises

....to write every day. I try not to make too many promises; like Mary Poppins said "promises are like pie crusts, easily made and easily broken"...at least that's the way I remember that quote. Its been a long time since I've sat and watched that movie with my kids - although it was a favorite in the old days....anyway, the important part is that the sentiment is remembered if not the exact words.

We've been busy playing catch up around here which leaves me little time to get on this computer and write something. I get on to check emails and visit FB and then I'm off again. The cover crop is down so yard work is a high priority - the kiddo is back in school so homework and projects and dinner's that are on time are back in the mix. And we're still fighting the pests in the garden....my entire pumpkin patch appears to have been eaten by pests in about a 24 hour period of time....and that hawk that I wrote about a month or so ago? He's been back with a few of his friends. Seems like maybe there is a "hunting" routine with him.....I've been keeping track of his appearances and it seems to be every three weeks - last week, the 22 was the "loud bang" that let him know he's not really welcome here since the BB guns weren't doing the trick....the chickens are very smart though and find cover whenever he's around....so far we've been very lucky that he hasn't gotten a free meal.

I've been spending my free time reading up on the investment world~reading self teaching guides so that I can be more knowledgeable in the future and hopefully avoid losing our nest egg like so many others did in the past two years. We were among the lucky ones who lost only a bit of our investments but it made us aware that it was time to be a little less trusting of how someone else was handling our future. I'm even thinking of taking a class or two ~~

Anyway, that's what's been happening in our neck of the woods......

Where to start.....

Okay, so this summer we had all three of the kids here, four dogs, two cats, twenty chickens and lots and lots of rain - among a few other distractions - like building chicken coops and .....

I've fallen behind on just about everything; you name it and I'm behind on it.

I already posted about the yard situation and I've made a start on that, but there are puddly spots that cannot be mowed and the yard is so damp that I've decided not to risk using my electric weed whacker just yet (and the gas one is still in need of some surgery). Our rose bushes are overgrown, our Confederate Jasmine are overgrown and the Elephant Ears are taking over the gardens. And to top it all off, its coming up on Banana Spider season - time to get the BB guns cleaned and ready........

Inside we've got a bug invasion; whenever we get a lot of rain, the spiders move right on in. I just spent most of the day with my trusty Rainbow Vac chasing down spiders from the crooks and crannies of this old kitchen; mopped the floor and now its time to start dinner. I think I'll stay in my clean kitchen tonight and just ignore the fact that the rest of the downstairs looks like I've started my Halloween decorating.

On a brighter note :) - a new kitchen light fixture has inspired me to get this old house spic and span so that I can finally get on to painting the cabinetry. Choosing a new light fixture has been another of those decisions that I kept putting off - you know, like I did the new T.V. and how to house it in the living room? But, just like the squeal of the speakers of the old T.V. forced me to finally get with it, the fact that I've been without a kitchen light since, oh, about the beginning of July, kinda made me stop procrastinating and make a decision. The days are shortening and I found that I couldn't see to chop onions and garlic....so, a new light fixture was purchased yesterday. It's a really good one for a cook whose eyesight was never all that great to begin with - it has task lighting!

I'll try to post a photo tomorrow, but no promises - after all, I've got rose and jasmine bushes to get under control and spiders to chase down and - oh great - another limb the size of a small tree just came down on the chicken coop...............

Will this end up as more than just an unpublished draft?

I haven't posted much this summer~I've written but I haven't necessarily posted.

Whenever we've packed up to move to a new home, I would always end up going back through my diaries and journals and getting caught up in the memories of those days past. And in each journal there were gaps of time where I didn't write at all. Those gaps in time matter only to me-until I wrote this today, no one but me knew they were even there. What was it that was going on in my life that caused me not to write? Was I just busy or was something weighing heavy enough on my mind that I just couldn't write it down?

A blog is different than a diary or a journal. Other people read it. The fact that I'm not writing is out there for anyone interested to see. And that makes it even harder to write some days.

During this gap in writing there has been a whole lot going on in my life that caused me not to be able to finish the drafts that I've begun. The times I sat down to write I found that either the words wouldn't come or that they were words dwelling on the times we are living in, the uneasiness over David's job situation, worries over my parent's health and in the end, the sudden death of David's mom and the initial aftermath of her death. No matter how I tried, I just couldn't seem to keep the blog focused on this old house and our efforts to restore her or the joys and tribulations of trying to learn how to raise chickens.

I think I'm coming around now. School has started - D was able to work out the issues in his financing at the last minute, H is in his last year of middle school, and N signed up for classes working towards her Vet Tech Certification. David learned that he will remain employed and he's been able to begin the process of grieving for his mother and my own parent's health seems to have stabilized finally. And Fall is just around the corner!

Fall is my favorite season; I've always looked at the first day back at school as more a time for resolutions then January 1. That feeling I had as a child of starting fresh with each new school year has never left me. I planted my first ever pumpkin patch and am itching to get out the fall decorations-perhaps all of this renewed energy will translate into daily blogging again. Maybe I'll finally video the little Roo's as they practice their crowing while at the same time they begin to establish just who is going to be the Alpha. No promises, mind, but there is some hope~

Okay, I admit it.....

I'm a homebody.....

David and I made a whirlwind trip to South Carolina with H for a family reunion; while I loved every minute of seeing my family, eating my cousin Tammy's delicious southern cooking and drinking wonderful wine....each time it got quiet..each time I had a moment to think.....I wanted to be at home.

I saw my chicks out of the corner of my eye as I sat on the patio with my wine; I heard the sighs of our pups as I stretched out in one of the most comfortable beds imaginable at my cousin's home......and although there was a precious kitty laying snuggled up to me, it wasn't my precious kitty.....

Like Dorothy.....I believe that despite the wonders of this world....there's no place like home.

A Charging Life.....

No, I'm not talking about charge cards - you know those things we now call credit cards instead? Gee, I wonder why the name change...could it be that charges bring to mind something negative while credit does the opposite? Never mind. That's not what this post is about....I'm actually talking about those re-chargable batteries we've switched to over the past year or so....

Have you ever thought about just how many batteries we need in the modern life? A gazillion it sometimes seems...and when you are living a charging life.....you spend a whole lot of time first telling your family "hey....noooooo...those are rechargables" as they head to the bins.....and then a whole lot of time rotating those little energy providers through that charger that looks oh so good as part of your kitchen decor.....until.....that little charger decides it's done.....it gives up the ghost.

So you go to the store and you think that all chargers are the same as your recently departed one - only to find that some of those things take 12-15 hours to charge 4 tiny batteries. And, your kid then takes your batteries out of your camera so that he can play his Xbox 360.......

And then you say to your readers ...."well, this post was going to be about our chicks and their adventures in the big open world outside their penned in coop.....or maybe about the floods that came from 7 straight days of rain and ruined several million dollars worth of potato crops"..... and then proceed to gripe about a charging life....sometimes, every now and then, I just want to go buy some of those little energizer bunny ones....sometimes it seems life was a bit simpler when we were less green.....

Gripe Over.....you may now return to your regularly scheduled....whatever........ : )

Busy, Busy, Busy

It's been two weeks since I last blogged; it may be the longest I've gone without writing at least a little something about our life in this old farmhouse.....and the only excuse I have is that I've been a bit busy 'round here....

Usually, January was the big month for genealogy....a little bit of cold weather keeping folks inside with a cup of hot chocolate and their puter or maybe lot's of folks getting on line for the first time and suddenly realizing the wealth of genealogical information to be found on the internet. Nowadays though, you rarely meet anyone who hasn't been on line for a year or two at least, so I wasn't too surprised that this past January was a bit slower then previous January's for genealogical inquiries. But, boy, are folks making up for lost time. Some of it may have been the launch of the new website, all I know is that I've been spending a whole lot of time corresponding with folks about research. Which, other than this old farmhouse, is of course, one of my other passions.

And then there's the MacLeod DNA Project....we've had a whole lot of new participation and that means a whole lot of figuring out where those new folks fit, helping them to understand their results and a whole lot of emailing going on. And that's not even getting into the fact that this is a science that is changing all the time and that requires me to spend a great deal of time keeping up with all the changes.

And, I've got chickens and doggies and kitties and children and a husband...and its the end of the school year with lots of activities.....and a newly finished fence crying out for landscaping to set it off just right....and a whole lot of bubs that need to be transplanted.....

Anyway, we're all here...we're all well....there's just been a whole lot of busy going on.

A long scary night~~

Suddenly, it looked like hundreds of thousands of fireflies were right outside my front window. The reflection off of the wind chimes that David's father made us almost 30 years ago confused me....what exactly was it that I was seeing? As I got up to open the front door, I saw out of the corner of my eye that the "fireflies" were moving down the side of the house.

It was about 10:50 p.m.; it had already been a long night filled with high winds, lots of rainfall and interrupted t.v. programing that served to warn of possible tornadoes....I looked out the front door trying to see what was going on. Suddenly, I realized that I might be opening the door to the winds of a small tornado, so I closed it quickly and began to move through the dining room to the kitchen. As I did so, I could see that the sparks were now at the back and side of the house.

As I neared the foot of the stairs, I heard David and the dogs moving and called up to him asking him if he knew what it was....he knew. As an electrician, he knew very well what had happened....something had touched two of the electrical wires that run up the driveway and had caused it to short and spark...it followed the wires up the side of the house in what was almost slow motion or felt like it anyway....as David answered my question, the power flickered and went out.

No power means no phones (since the rabbit chewed the old fashioned one that doesn't require electric to power up and since I've neglected to replace it~) so I reached for the cell phone with shaking hands...only to find that it was dead. So out in the pouring rain goes David (my hero) to start up the car, plug in the car charger and place a call to the power company....who said they'd be here shortly and we'd be up and running again by 3 a.m.....yeah right I thought. We've been here before with this company.

I played solitaire by candle light to await Nikki's arrival home from her night shift at the emergency vet.....she'd need light to find her way across the flooded back yard and into the dark house......she arrived just after 1 a.m.....before the power company.

I then went on up to bed only to be awakened at 3:20 a.m. to see those firefly's racing up the side of the house again....and to the sight of the power company down at the end of the driveway...seems he threw a switch or replaced the fuse without checking to see what had caused the power to go out in the first place....you'd think the dispatcher would give a detailed report but they never do that it seems. Each time the power guys show up all they know is that our power is out and each time it is something to do with the cypress trees they repeatedly tell us "are no danger" to our power lines....we watched as he trudged up the muddy and puddled driveway with a little flashlight, and we watched him make his way back to his truck and drive off....no power yet.

About an hour and a half later, we awake to the noise of the tree guys in our driveway cutting the branch (or branches) out of our power lines and we get to see the fire show one more time as this time, it appears it bllows out our farmer's power....and about 9 a.m. the truck arrived to replace the fuses again and finally give us power.....coffee has never smelled so good I can assure you of that (no power means no water!).

David missed a day of work and Hunter a day of school.....and we all got about 2 hours of sleep....like I said, a long scary night. But, the gardens are enjoying the drenching and our 100 year old farmhouse still stands.

Blogging Anniversary~~

I've been blogging for one year now.....and man, did it go by fast.

To celebrate, I thought I'd share some of my one favorite posts...the ones that I feel describe my life the best:

This is it, Lori, this is it!
As we made the right turn into the driveway of the old farmhouse, David actually stopped the car and breathed "this is it, Lori, this is it".....! I said nothing for a moment ...."She's waiting for us" I finally said. David touched the gas pedal and drove on up the driveway, stopping beside a little foot bridge that crossed one of the two irrigation ditches that lined the driveway..............as I got out of the truck I was hardening my heart....no way was I getting emotionally attached to this house, not as long as there might be the slightest chance that we could get the Cracker House.....

History
There are two huge cypress trees on either side of our house.....they were planted in 1909 by a little girl named Eleanor Wilton. Five year old Eleanor had harvested those two little trees from the beach shortly after she immigrated to the U.S. aboard the SS St. Louis in 1909 to join her father. Arriving at the property her father had purchased for them to live and work, she planted those little trees beside the original portion of the house I now call home.

Failure to Launch? Or just a Pause in the Process?
First off, I just put Failure to Launch up there to catch the attention.....this is only a Pause in the Process.....of empty nesting! Yesterday, I learned that our somewhat empty nest will be filled back up this summer. Dallas comes home on May 8th from college and he'll be a bit surprised to realize that his room is now...........his sister's room!

How music saved a kid!

It's hard to believe that we've been here 4 years already; when we moved here Dallas was a senior in high school....we spent a lot of time driving back up to the old town to watch Dallas perform in various things....football season and marching band had ended but there was "Fiddler on the Roof" and band concerts and various other events.

In the interest of fairness~
So, after working hours on my photo wall the other day; agonizing over which of the perfectly imperfect snapshots of the previous 25 years of life I wanted to use, darling Nikki comes home and says "I love the wall, but there aren't many photos of me, are there?"

Photos on my photo wall..........and the beauty of imperfection!
We've been here almost five years now. For all that time, I 've looked at our staircase wall and thought "one day, I'll hang photos there". But, I never could get up the creative energy to actually get in there and get it done.

My Mother's Hand....
I remember an old song called "Daddy's Hands"; I can't remember the singer but I do recall that she was in the Country Music Genre. I loved that song. While I sat beside my mother's hospital bed last Tuesday that song came to mind. Mom suffered a post surgical vertigo attack and the only movement she made without waves of dizziness and nausea for hours seemed to be confined to her fingers.

When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window..............
During our house search, I had it in my head I wanted no less then 2 acres of land ....I wanted chickens, pigs and horses......just like we'd had when I was a child....! By 2003, I knew that I'd either end up with a house with no land or land with no house and I was resigned to it.....then we found the Cracker House and I had hoped we'd actually get both....but God closed that door.

On the way to get that cup of coffee~
the phone rang......Olivia had decided to stop practicing and actually get down to the business of being born....so, leaving the coffee on the counter and Hunter at his middle school...I headed in to the hospital. It was a beautiful experience.....five women - two grandmothers, an aunt, a niece and best friend, were all there in almost complete silence watching the miracle of birth...each from their own perspective....while a hero watched from his place of service; his place of sacrifice for our country, his wife, and his two daughters....for you and for me.

Peace in the storm.....
While we were in South Carolina last week, almost everyone Nikki and I spoke to mentioned the rain we've had lately in Florida. With the horrible things happening in the mid-west, I was a bit surprised that folks were even aware that we'd been getting some rather viscious thunderstorms, but almost everyone mentioned them.